A small flame

A small flame

Getting Whatever I Want



This was a question in ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) today::


"God offered Solomon anything he wanted (1 Kings 3).
If God made the same offer to you today,
what would you ask for?"


I had my answer almost immediately.

I would ask
for the calendar to be turned back
for the past 2 1/2 years - the most painful of my life - to never have happened
for things to go back to the way they were all those months ago

Then, I paused and wondered.
Really?
What would a reversal of the calendar cost?
What would I gain?
What would I give up?

This afternoon, I sat down & made a list.
A list of all the hard, painful things I would not have to go through if the past 2 1/2 years had never happened. That was a hard list.

Hard to catalogue
the betrayals,
the rejections,
the heartbreaks,
the tears,
the losses.

But the list also held good things.
Things I would have to give up - things I wouldn't even have - if the past months had never happened.

The spiritual growth,
the deepening relationships,
and new friendships,
the ways that God has been faithful,
the way He has become more beautiful to me.

When I finished the list, I knew the answer to my question.


Or, rather, I knew what I would NOT say.


What would I ask for if God offered to grant me anything?
I'm still not sure.

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But I know what I wouldn't ask for.
As unspeakably hard as they were, I wouldn't ask to escape these past months.
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Don't misunderstand me.
What happened was not 'ok'.
Nothing could make what happened 'ok'.
That's not anger or bitterness.
It's just fact.
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But God meant it for good, and I embrace that good!
A reversal of the calendar would spare me the pain & loss, but it would cost me so much richness and growth. As sad as it makes me that we can no longer have the life we used to live, I wouldn't wish the growth - the life - we have now away.

In church today we sang this song.


I especially love these lines:



O fearful saints new courage take
The clouds that you now dread
Are big with mercy and will break
In blessings on your head
...

The bud may have a bitter taste
But sweet will be the flower


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If God made you the offer he made to Solomon,
what would you ask for?
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Are you sure?

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